Guard that thing, kels!

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REMIND MYSELF,"Guard your heart."? Nothing's happened, don't worry. But I feel myself falling for a guy more than I feel like I should right now. Nothing has been confirmed, I might just be attracted, but my favorite colour of eyes is involved, and those get me fast and hard, so I guess it could go both ways. This summer is sneaking up on me, and an attachment that leaves this town would leave me with my hopes up, and frustration in full bloom..But,ooh man.

Travis is going to Hawaii this August...I'm so stoked for him. Jealous as hell, but so stoked...Sunsets...smells...waves...Crap damn it.


I need to go to bed. I'm semi depressed.

so much to say, so littke time..soon my friends, soon...

Though I only know like...4 different simple beats on the drums, I can still appreciate a good solo...This man, Neal Pert is, in my opinion, THE best drummer in the world. He plays in a little band called Rush(they're huge, I was being sarcastic) and the band took a 7 year break cuz his daughter AND his wife got killed within two years of eachother...He's back with the band now and is obviously rockin' out harder than ever. They say he came back with talent that he didn't have before.

Don't try to hold my hand if I avoid you.

Woah, I almost forgot my password again.hahah! Anyways, guys, I'm registered! Woohoo! College! For Real! III know!! I will have two classes with Fanna, too. woo!

I now work at a preschool and I love love love it! Granted, I already kinda got one of their little tummy virus' but being the awesome adult I am it didn't last me more than 4 hours thankfully. I plan on staying here for a very long time, I'm glad I have this job, it actually resembles what I want to do with my life, which is awesome. The job is easy, but tiring, it takes a lot of patience and a certain work ethic, both of which I have so it works out wonderfully. I'm still a little cautious and unsure just because I have to take first aid/cpr class since I'm working with little kids, but other than that I'm confident in myself and my abilities to make a difference here.

K, now's the time where I rant for a little bit....What the freakin' HECK must a man be thinking when he sneaks up on a girl who does NOT seak him out and TRY TO HOLD HER HAND? Is that just a lack of common sense or something deeper and more serious? I've been wondering since 11 oclock this morning and I'm still insulted by it. I think I have a right to be. If it had been any other of my guy friends I woulda thought, "aw, that was cute." but with this I thought, "what is your major maaaaaaalFUNCTION!?" So I glared and I pulled my hand away and he looked like a four year old that just got yelled at. No, it wasn't even as cute as that, it looked like a potential stalker getting his imaginary fantasy broken into a million pieces...GOOD! Ugh.

Looks can be so deceiving. When I first saw this person I wasn't single at the time but I thought,"wow, he is really handsome." I would talk to him and the shallow things we'd say led me to believe he was cool, confident, and had a good sense of independence...No. He doesn't.

I don't mean to sound horrible or rude, but this is my blog and when things affect me enough I write about them. Should I not be as nice to him as I am to everyone else? I am actually asking you, that wasn't rhetorical. Sometimes I wonder about myself, because I try to treat everyone like they have my full attention; it is what I do, I don't like being rude and I'm bad at being stand-offish cuz it is not my character and THEN when I do act that way I feel bad...so what do I do? Er, what SHOULD I do rather?

I have one friend that I have known since I was three. He was a good guy, never an academic person, but no matter, we were friends none the less. Throughout our school days I wanted to be his friend and was infatuated with him and he had his eye on all the other girls in the class. Three years ago he went into the army, got deployed to Iraq and found me on myspace. We talked and he told me that throughout his entire life, I was the only girl he's grown up with that has actually treated him the same even though he's so different from what he was raised to be. He's into a whole bunch of stuff that is considered bad, but when I see him, though I don't agree with him and he kind of scares me sometimes, I act the same as I always have. I don't know if this is good of me or foolish, but I can't bring myself to act coldly to him, or anyone for that matter. I haven't been flirtatious with him since middle school, but I always listen to him. I'm not praising myself, on the contrary I have many issues with being assertive, but what good would it do to treat someone like a vermin? Is it true that with guys like The Confused Soldier and Mr. Hand Holder that if you are nice to them they think they have a chance no matter what? If so this world is even more messed up than I thought.

Ya find out who your friends are...

Corey(far left) is always kind and very funny.
Anna(middle) is as we all know my sister, my best friend, and one of the most iconically awesome people you'll ever meet.
Heather(blond next to me) is pretty much the bomb; she's so smart and so fun her husband's gonna be one incredible dude
Katie(redhead by Heather) is the loudest, most outgoing girl I've ever met my ENTIRE life. She always smells like vanilla and always cares about her friends..

THESE are the kinds of people that make the phrase "girls night out". Hanging out with the four of them convinces me that not all girls are drama-ridden gossip lovers. They're the kinda girls where purity is just one of the things we all are proud of, where laughter doesn't come at the expense of others, and getting along with each other is just a way of life. Thank God for these awesome women.

Answer me this.

When do you cross the line from being a supportive friend to being ridiculous and a wimpy friend? Say you have a friend that wants to become a samurai but they have horrible rhythm, they're clumsy, and they don't have a sword. Do you say, "friend, I care about you enough to say that this is a mistake." or, "friend, I try to be accepting of everyone and I'll support you in this even if others will talk and think it ridiculous."


(note: this is NOT by any means a "look-at-how-good-of-a-friend-i-am" note.)


This kind of stuff has been my struggle lately; is there such a thing as being supporting of the wrong thing? Do you think a person can appear fake if they're there for everyone's feats of life which they ask this person to be a part of? I guess what I'm asking is this; is there such a thing as being supportive to the point of being cowardly, and if so, where's the line? Let me know guys, cuz as of now I could use another voice besides my own.

7=perfect

Today I donated my old cell phone to "give our troops a cell phone." . I hope it brings someone a lot of communication, joy, and hope.


Here's a colage I made of my main group of friends these days..enjoy.

My Philosophers.

If you trade out the times when you want to do things that may hurt your soul for the things you know will help you grow spiritually, you have a very different life in a matter of days. I've been doing this and it honestly helps. Surrounding yourself with purity is very beneficial when your life is taking on new twists and turns and you need good in your life more than ever.

Last night in the Big Haus library the men I have seen grow up showed yet again a different side to themselves. I have known some since they were five and others only a couple years, but hearing their philosophies and theories on life, death, senses, and afterlife really helped my respect for them. You see them in their army gear, or riding a rail on a summer night and think they are just your regular guys in a small town...how wrong are YOU!? I wish you guys'd been around to hear what I heard last night, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around some of the concepts....geez.

Above all else I'm happy to report a turning point in my life. I heard the song, "It just comes natural" which was like....THE song for me and Trav back in our romance. Anyways, it came on, and as I was about to get sad I thought to myself, "ya know what, I don't need this right now." so what did I do? MHMM, I changed the station. I couldn't believe it! I didn't quite know how I felt about it until I got to my destination. I was goin' to support a friend that doubted I would come, and to see him so glad that I came to listen to him play piano for 5 minutes made the whole thing all the more right to me, I felt good in just being me.

I may not have my life figured out, but I am not feeling lost anymore. I am single, I am alone, I have responsibilities, I have dreams, and I have goals. I have friends, I have family, I have hobbies, I have passions, I have theories. I have favorite songs, I have favorite poems, I have favorite morals. I have all these things, and above all else, I have confidence in the Lord. Life. Is. Good.