since picture blogs=comments...

Is it vain to say my eyes look absolutely amazing in this picture? No? Good!

So, for the past two months I've been stuck in a certain situation...It's when-you can't-go to sleep-cuz-the-person-you-can't-stop-thinking-about-is-in-your dreams-EVERY-FREAKIN'-NIGHT situation. Even though I'm not suppose to care in the day my mind has a mind of its own at night and it's at this point in time where it decides to play the best scenarios in my head over and over again and even remind me of my favorite memories...It's a scream, let me tell ya.

I'll be at work at my new, well paying job and I'll see these baby-faced blond boys come in with their perfectly ripped jeans or their oily work pants er whatever and they'll flirt with my other cashier co-workers and they'll coo and fawn over the guys and everyone's just eatin' it all up then theres me, sitting there, watching this happen, totally not flirting with anyone and all I'm thinkin' is,"i got to wrap my arms around someone once, you don't remind me of him at all." It's a sticky situation I'm in; a bittersweet mess that I am STILL not letting go of for some reason and I know exactly what that reason is...Ask me if you want to the next time you see me and I'll tell you...maybe...though, one of my four readers already knows.

I'm learning a lot at my new job. I've only been there two days but so far I know what noise a rabbit makes when it's dieing, i know the description of what deer urine smells like, I know how to return/exchange things, I know how to check out a gun, I've mastered my Elk impersonation, I know how much crocks(the shoes)are, I know our prices compared to Cabela's , and I have the best intercom voice ever. If this job weren't so boring I'd never even THINK of giving it up, but it's SO BORING! I stand for 9 hours and wait...just waiting, it's all I do, good thing I'm a patient person...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: God's biggest challenge for me is and might always be: waiting.

The Makings of a New Chapter

What I have:

Confidence(at times:) )
Hope
Nervousness
Boston's Greatest hits blaring
A crazy amount of free time about to be taken advantage of
A new job

Today I start my first shift at Tri State. Am I scared? Yes, more so than other jobs cuz my ENTIRE duty at tri state will be...you guessed it...CASH REGISTERS. Ahem, I've had a couple experiences with this area of stores, but I will not let that phase me! Right? Right; with my new, awesome mustang poster lookin' me in the eye, the rims sparkling as the cars taunt me, I will succeed! I will not feel like crying, I will not quit after my first shift! I will be strong! THIS! IS! IDAHOOO!

Survey bout MEN

The Opposite Sex



General
Body or Face
Face

Looks or Personality
Personality but looks matter too despite what everyone says, no one's as noble as they appear

Height
over 5 foot 7

Weight
normal

Hair Color
brown

Eye Color
I'm a sucker for the blues of the world.

Most Important Physical Feature
hands, they either holdja or mame you.


Good/Bad Traits
Funny
Good

Loud
Good as long as it's tastefully loud

Seductive
:)

Quiet
At times it's good

Tall
Yess

Short
hard to kiss

Athletic
Plus

Fat
every body needs some

Immature
TURN OFF!! Unless they're being playful and goofy but oh man thin thread

Competitive
Good to an extent, overly competitive's lame

Hyper
I like hyper

Smoker
cigars I can handle...cigarettes I can not...weird.

Drinker
I don't want a drunk person for a date

Smart
good

Dumb
can't help it..hah!

Observant
rare, soo goooood good good


ht

Gonna hurt, don't care, totally worth it

So, I just almost DIED.
The sun was setting, it was gorgeous from what I could see...
I wanted more.
I grabbed a coat, put it on, but upside down.
Grabbed another, ran upstairs, grabbed my camera, ran passed a wide eyed Anna.
Ran outside, slipped, fell, hit my head, started laughing histerically.
Anna just says "Kels? you ok?" between her breaths of laughing at me.
"I gotta..SUNSET! ANNA! I..MURPHY! DAMMIT!"
I get up, start my car....windshield COVERED with snow...I start whining, hyperventilating, whimpering.
Anna Yells, "Kels, get in my car!" We go! We riiiiiiiiiiide! We...get stuck in traffic and I almost rip my hair out of my head as I see my sunset slipping away from me. We get to the hill, I haul ass out of the car, take about 5 pictures while Anna stands there in the cold watching her spastic friend indulge in her obsession.
4 minutes later, we're on our way home totally calm like nothing ridiculous just happened. Anna says, "You'd be the best photographer ever! You'd be like "QUICK THE LION'S GETTING AWAY, GO UP THAT ROCKY CLIFF THAT WE MIGHT DIE ON!" " We laaaaaaaugh for about a minute then I start getting sleepy. Now I feel hyper...Concusion? Maybe? Worth it? You tell me:).

You've got a way it seems, you gave me faith to find my dreams

I don't know what I'm wanting to write about tonight. I don't really have anything fascinating going on in my life and it feels like I'm at a standstill. I have faith that things will pick up again soon, but I just wish SOMETHING amazing was happening to me. Two months ago I was someones girl--tonight I am alone and know that according to every guy I know I'm the platonic friend, no more, no less.


I have never felt so unsuccessful in my entire life. I usually have a job or school or both but right now I have none of those and though it's temporary and I have a few interviews lined up, it's still scary/unsettling. I feel like I'm taking up space and am just a taker. The only thing I feel like I give is company, which is a good, but I wish I contributed more to the world than a shitzu does.

Tara and Patrick just got back from their Honeymoon and their pictures were AWESOME. That there's one good thing about my circumstance: though I feel totally alone and ridiculous for getting dumped, I know that there's a Patrick out there for me, too. I say "a Patrick" because Patrick is not only sweet and good looking, but he's a good Christian guy that's smart as a whip and knows how to treat Tara...besides all that he's head over heels in love with my sister and I see it every time he looks at her. So basically, Patrick's the ultimate man and I hope I marry someone as wonderful as my new brother in law...I hope I get married period! Hahaha, look at me, 20, got the world at my feet(soon as I get funding) and I'm worried about getting married! I use to not really care about that but since I helped plan Trogo's wedding I have a whole bunch of ideas for my wedding and I have decided that I want to be married by the time I'm 25. That gives me five years...I donno if that's a good thing or not right now, I'm kind of out of it. Anyways, next paragraph. (I'm not influenced by anything but sleep deprivation right now, I promise.)

The sun is actually producing heat on earth again! You know what that means!? Spring is coming! This spring wont be as good as last year though I'll betcha but for one particular reason...Yup, you guessed it...last spring brought me romance. Maybe this spring'll bring me enough money for independence thereby allowing me to move out finally, or perhaps someone wonderful will send me 600 dollars and the chance to go to Hawaii again. ORRR, 700 dollars and require me to go to Washington DC when the cherry trees start to blossom...I'd be ok with either of the last two...all three actually would be fine, but oh man, spring of 2007 was incredibly romantic.

Winds of Change

Sometimes things happen just because they can and it will feel good if only for a short while. The best things happen when you aren't expecting them, this has been proven to me in my life countless times. But then, the things that made you feel so alive and happy and smile all day cease to exist and you're left wondering why they happened in the first place if they were just gonna leave and cause you pain...I know I wonder that, I am right now and I have decided that they help you learn about yourself. You learn what you like, you learn what you can handle, you learn what annoys you, and you learn how you react to things whether they be good or bad. You learn what means the most to you, and most importantly how to treat others, how to love others, and how to let others go the ways they want to go.

Funny part about me writing this is that the title WINDS OF CHANGE just came to me cuz my life is going through a period of transition. ..hard as hell sometimes but I'm getting by...but now I remember what happened yesterday: A HUGE windstorm swept through the Columbia basin leaving a trail of rubble and forcing evacuations for many of WW's citizens. These people weren't expecting this storm, and were concerned when it started making such uncomfortable changes in their lives. Though this is true, the storm subsided as all storms do, the sun came out as it always does, and though peoples' lives were changed by it the storm it is just one in a zillion changes throughout their lives and it will be another memory to tell their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and future spouses. It's not necessarily something bad, but something incredible that came out of the blue, changed things around and left them a little different then they were before...not necessarily bad, just different, something to learn from...some may be more appreciative, maybe more accepting, maybe more contemplative, but nevertheless, a change came and went and their lives will progress. THOSE were winds of change.

On a completely different note, I use to think that things will be ok if you let them lie and put up with them in your life...WRONG! There's a difference between being sweet and being a pushover...no longer am I as much of a pushover as I was...I still let things slide, but I have taken a stand more, and its good. I may be pretty laid back, but I don't let things that annoy start to be things that annoy to the point of pain...if that makes sense.

You know me, I hate change. I hate letting go of things I want, I hate accepting the fact that I can't change certain things, and I hate when what I want isn't what's suppose to be. I don't know what's gonna happen to me this semester, as of tonight I have no more questions cuz they have all been answered. I am a woman with all the answers to the most recent questions and I have no other choice but to get involved in something, invest in something I love, and try as hard as I can to not live in the past...I have a tendancy to reminisce so I hope I can push forward faster.

Happy 2nd semester everyone.