Why I am not in Hawaii Right Now.
I've never had this sort of a Christmas before. What started out so exciting turned so mellow and under-whelming that I'm not quite sure how to process it.
I started off by not going to bed at all because I wanted to sleep on the plane over the Pacific. I jumped out of the bed which I did not sleep in, and listened wide-eyed while mom confirmed our flight...Everything was set to go..WOO! We Heberts, usually so calm and slow-moving in the morning ran around like we were all morning people, and got in the van a full hour before our flight took off. We got to the airport, and there was a delay..."Ok," we thought, "no big deal. "...3O minutes later another delay occurred, "uh, alright." was our response. We finally were told we could start to go through security. Happily, we jumped through their hoops, took off our shoes, took off our jewelry, and re-dressed on the other side. As we sat waiting for the plane, my family and I joked about what would happen if we were turned away from our vacation in paradise. I don't remember all the jokes, they were a good 20 hours ago from now, but I do recall us laughing about the idea of dad going off on a wild shooting.
The un-practiced, un-professional voice of the female college student then announced our plane couldn't land, the fog made it too hard, the flight...was canceled. Some guy behind me yelled out a chorus of once choice profanity, as I looked from my dad all the way down the line to my sleepy, beautiful sister. Canceled. Canceled! "This has to be a dream!" I thought to myself. As the waiting area cleared, we Heberts just sat and stared, mouths slightly open, hearts sunken....canceled.
Mom and Dad stood in line waiting to talk to the crew, waiting to find some possibility for all our plans to not be ruined. It was a good effort, but not good enough. The only way we'd get to Hawaii is if we left on Saturday...That would have given us 1 full day in Hawaii. Everyone knows that wouldn't be worth it. We left the airport, left our tiny bit of hope in that gray, dull Moscow-Pullman airport, void of all Christmas music, decorations, and any other indicator of the importance of the day. I've never been so disappointed my whole life. I feel like I got dumped but without a kiss. My dad said he felt the very same way.
The rest of the day felt like any Saturday any week of the year. We saw a movie and went out to dinner. It's sad to say, but Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas without presents! I don't know how many secular Christmas songs I heard on the radio, but none of them lifted my goofy wounded spirit. I can't sing Mele Kalikimaka right now...I've been singing it since August, but to think of its lyrics now bring a lump to my throat.
I feared this since the snow started. I was so scared of not getting to go. Every time I spoke my feelings on the matter, my mom kept saying, "If it's Gods will, it will happen." Obviously, it wasn't Gods will for us to go. But right now, I'm having SUCH a hard time accepting that. I just keep wondering why. Why? Why? Why? Why? I'm like a little kid with her dad telling her no to a piece of candy-"why why why why why!?" I donno.
Romans 8:28 keeps popping into my head. That verse has been all over my life for the past two days, and in it, it says all things work for good for those that seek God...Well, I definitely seek him. I seek him every day in the most minuscule ways, and every day in the most important, and serious parts of my life. I seek him, but right now, I have a hole in the bottom of my heart and it's throbbing. Hopefully by tomorrow it will be better, but today has been the most challenging day in where my faith stands and what my attitude's like. It's ok for me and mine to be sad, but it's not ok for me to use it as an excuse to be a doofus. SO, if I start being a doofus, I'm counting on you all to let me know.
I hope your Christmas' were Merry and Bright. I hope the laughs were abundant, the giddyness was uncontrollable, and the love poured out of you all so much that you felt like a precious moments figurine. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
I started off by not going to bed at all because I wanted to sleep on the plane over the Pacific. I jumped out of the bed which I did not sleep in, and listened wide-eyed while mom confirmed our flight...Everything was set to go..WOO! We Heberts, usually so calm and slow-moving in the morning ran around like we were all morning people, and got in the van a full hour before our flight took off. We got to the airport, and there was a delay..."Ok," we thought, "no big deal. "...3O minutes later another delay occurred, "uh, alright." was our response. We finally were told we could start to go through security. Happily, we jumped through their hoops, took off our shoes, took off our jewelry, and re-dressed on the other side. As we sat waiting for the plane, my family and I joked about what would happen if we were turned away from our vacation in paradise. I don't remember all the jokes, they were a good 20 hours ago from now, but I do recall us laughing about the idea of dad going off on a wild shooting.
The un-practiced, un-professional voice of the female college student then announced our plane couldn't land, the fog made it too hard, the flight...was canceled. Some guy behind me yelled out a chorus of once choice profanity, as I looked from my dad all the way down the line to my sleepy, beautiful sister. Canceled. Canceled! "This has to be a dream!" I thought to myself. As the waiting area cleared, we Heberts just sat and stared, mouths slightly open, hearts sunken....canceled.
Mom and Dad stood in line waiting to talk to the crew, waiting to find some possibility for all our plans to not be ruined. It was a good effort, but not good enough. The only way we'd get to Hawaii is if we left on Saturday...That would have given us 1 full day in Hawaii. Everyone knows that wouldn't be worth it. We left the airport, left our tiny bit of hope in that gray, dull Moscow-Pullman airport, void of all Christmas music, decorations, and any other indicator of the importance of the day. I've never been so disappointed my whole life. I feel like I got dumped but without a kiss. My dad said he felt the very same way.
The rest of the day felt like any Saturday any week of the year. We saw a movie and went out to dinner. It's sad to say, but Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas without presents! I don't know how many secular Christmas songs I heard on the radio, but none of them lifted my goofy wounded spirit. I can't sing Mele Kalikimaka right now...I've been singing it since August, but to think of its lyrics now bring a lump to my throat.
I feared this since the snow started. I was so scared of not getting to go. Every time I spoke my feelings on the matter, my mom kept saying, "If it's Gods will, it will happen." Obviously, it wasn't Gods will for us to go. But right now, I'm having SUCH a hard time accepting that. I just keep wondering why. Why? Why? Why? Why? I'm like a little kid with her dad telling her no to a piece of candy-"why why why why why!?" I donno.
Romans 8:28 keeps popping into my head. That verse has been all over my life for the past two days, and in it, it says all things work for good for those that seek God...Well, I definitely seek him. I seek him every day in the most minuscule ways, and every day in the most important, and serious parts of my life. I seek him, but right now, I have a hole in the bottom of my heart and it's throbbing. Hopefully by tomorrow it will be better, but today has been the most challenging day in where my faith stands and what my attitude's like. It's ok for me and mine to be sad, but it's not ok for me to use it as an excuse to be a doofus. SO, if I start being a doofus, I'm counting on you all to let me know.
I hope your Christmas' were Merry and Bright. I hope the laughs were abundant, the giddyness was uncontrollable, and the love poured out of you all so much that you felt like a precious moments figurine. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
posted by Oh, Idaho at 12:06 AM
2 Comments:
It's OK to be disappointed. Try not to let it consume you...
Hmmm. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
Life's small disappointments (and all are small) are nothing compared to what He did for us.
Also, 1 Timothy 6:8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
So many folks are without the smallest comfort these days.
Be of good cheer. Merry Christmas!!
dag yo. i try to never get my hopes up. that way you are prepared for what you don't want to happen, and unprepared for what you do want to happen, making it better if it does. I always like to expect the unexpected.
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